A little bit sentimental...

I don't know why I get like this.
All emotional and sentimental. And just drained.
Totally feelin' like I need three thousand hugs and a nice hot cup of tea.

I was a bit apprehensive about "showing and telling" my BasicGrey Be Bold album, but I think it'll be cathartic. And I think this is the right time.

I made an album dedicated to my brother, James. He passed away as a newborn. I wasn't even born then, but I've always known about him. I was born a little less than a year later. I think because I wasn't alive when he left, I was never able to grieve. How do you grieve for something you've never really lost? I still feel a very strong connection to him. Like I knew him before. Believe me. I know that sounds strange, but it's true. I've always felt like I missed out. I felt a bit cheated. I felt lost without my big brother. This album, "Who I Am: A Letter To My Brother" is a compilation of moments that he missed. My wedding. The kissing tag fiasco in Kindergarten. Meeting Robb. Meeting Gibb. Teenage angst. Moving to Hawaii. My love of books. Grandma's Funeral. The birth of my son. Small glimpses into my life without him.
On the back of each layout is a letter. The last one reads:
Dear James,
I am a 25-year-old mother, star-gazer, wife, sister, daughter, dreamer, scrapbooker, writer, reader, dish-washer. I am brimmed with memories and moments that you missed. That we missed. Hollow in spaces that even my dreams can't fill. I am still just a sister searching for her lost brother. I can't stop wondering who I would have been if you had been a physical part of my life. James, I've forgiven your absence. I've forgiven the holes. I concede to you being my Gaurdian Angel. Patched, mended, we'll swap stories soon.
Always Missing You,
Heather

Yea. I know.
I'm really grateful to BasicGrey for having a contest that required us to dig deep and be bold. I never would have created this album without that push.

Here's a photo of Gibb and my mom at the lake on Monday. This little boy loves his munga fuss (that's what he calls her, silly little guy). These are the moments, ya know?!


"And through and over everything, a sense of glad awakening."--Edna St. Vincent Millay

In other news: We're going to Hawaii for Christmas. Robb's mom and sister both live on Oahu. It'll be my first Christmas without snow. Excited and a bit sad.